Written 10th April, 2020. By Rohilesh R. Singh
A recent ExcelerateYou survey of over 500 people highlighted that self-doubt is the number one barrier and concern among professionals in Australia today. Have you ever found yourself lying in bed and having a conversation with yourself that sounds a little like ‘nah, today is not going to be my day.’ ‘I don't want to go into work today, nothing will go right anyways.’ This is called negative self-talk, and you may be surprised to hear that we have over 55,000 of these discussions with ourselves each day, and would you believe that over 75% of that talk is negative?
This is a story about how I found one of the greatest hacks to overcoming self-doubt and worry, and ultimately to win in life. This technique is all about owning your mind chatter, so that you don’t fall into that 75% negativity that so many find themselves engulfed in on a daily basis. I use it to propel me to love life and own every, single day. It will help you to overcome self-doubt and find positivity in even the toughest of situations. If you want to own your mind, you must own your self-talk.
At 18 years old, I got lucky! I came across the greatest secret to success, and that is, I learnt how to program my mind with self-love! Self-love is self-worth, which is a combination of self-esteem and self-compassion. Both are associated with greater happiness and serve us to develop success in life. Self-compassion brings with it stability and long-term sustainable self-worth. To have great self-worth is not easy as the mind is fickle and can easily become anxious, depressed and create self-doubt. This technique I’m going to share with you now is a wonderful way to gain self-mastery and control of your mind. It could be the greatest and easiest of mental toughness hacks available to us, and it’s so easy to implement and use.
I was married at 18, basically straight out of high school and within a year we had our first child. This was a defining moment in my life. I loved this boy to the moon and back and wanted more than anything to provide a good life for our small, young family. I knew people would forgive me if I buckled under such pressure, but I had this intrinsic belief that all will be ok, I just had to get out there into the world and do my best. I took a job at Kmart selling shoes, and it just wasn’t for me. I was making $230 a week, and even back then in the late 80s, the baby formula and nappies I needed to buy were eating up most of my weekly budget. I had barely enough to pay for my weekly rent, let alone food or anything else. So it was by sheer necessity that I took on a commission-only insurance sales job where the founders of the company provided a lot of personal-development training. In one of these sessions, I discovered the teachings of Dr. Buscaglia. Leo Buscaglia is unforgettable, his philosophy on raising self-love has elevated my life for over 30 years! This one technique I learnt from him, I have shared with tens of thousands of people around the world, so they too can have it all: love, courage, success and life morally-sound lives too.
"Life is our greatest possession and love its greatest affirmation".
The following is an extract from the book Rise Warrior Rise. Be ready to make this part of your life here and now, and put it into action, and trust in the fact that this works and can transform your life!
It is as simple as this:
If you want to change your life, then change your self-talk. Every thought is a form of self-talk, each thought has the potential to manifest into your reality. Henry Ford said ‘Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.’ Self-talk mastery increases self-confidence and decreases anxiety. Say the following to yourself with conviction: ‘I love me!’ Does it feel comfortable or unnatural to say this? Do you believe it? Use self-talk to re-appraise your emotions, such as labelling an increase in heart rate as ‘I am excited’ rather than ‘I’m nervous’. This leads to perceiving stressful situations as opportunities and challenges which allow you to grow rather than threats, building self-confidence and subsequent performance.
Transfer your thoughts via your self-talk to success. Tell yourself, ‘I believe in me. I am anything and everything I am willing to be.’ Visualise yourself as you wish to be, create a detailed plan and throw yourself into making your dreams come true with energy in your action. Let your self-talk move you towards happiness, towards serving your path of fulfilment. The simple act of saying with determination ‘I can’, ‘I will’, ‘I must’ over and over again moves you to perform the right actions.
When the thought of ‘I can’t’ arises, it crushes any possibility of building anything useful. Very often this is where most people will stop and take no further action. The idea dies right there. Defeat is the outcome before even a single step has been taken. The tragedy in life is that this defeatist attitude becomes habitual. Laziness takes over and you fail to give anything that pushes you a go. Now you know this, why not inject yourself with a strong sense of belief and say, ‘I can! I will! I must!’ And move forward with action to thrive.
This simple act of having the right monologue moves you forward, to learn, to build confidence, to keep striving forward and live a fulfilled life. There are plenty of obstacles outside of your control, so at the very least own what is totally in your control - the chatter of your own mind.
Dr Buscaglia was a professor at the University of South California, teaching in the Department of Special Education. Dr Buscaglia’s focus on the importance of self-love started on this one particular day when he noticed that one of his students wasn't there and he inquired about her to the other students. What he found out next, rocked his world! He learned that she had taken her own life.
My friend Michael, who seemingly had it all: a great job, wife, kids and personal wealth. One day he was made redundant after giving so many years of his life to this outwardly successful career and workplace. Michael couldn't deal with it and took his life. No one really knew what was going through his mind.
Michael’s story is not unfortunately not unique. A friend's mother at the age of 60 did the same, and then another friend's mother. I started to hear of stories everywhere, even the young were not safe! Kids in high school are taking their lives. You hear these stories all the time; today this way of death has become far too common. In fact more people between 15-44 die from suicide than any other cause of death. How can this be possible, when today we are richer than ever before, yet so many people are lonelier, sadder and more depressed and disconnected with the world than ever before? Things need to change. We must, as a society, change things up, so that each and every person feel a sense of belonging to their tribe and feel the warmth of love from within and those closest to make them to make them unshakeable!
My mission for the past 6 years with writing Rise Warrior Rise and creating ExcelerateYou has been to boost personal self-worth and as a result, to decrease the suicide rates within our world. Building coping skills to flourish in life come down to our inner monologue, what we stand for and self-love. Dr. Buscaglia took a similar route in that he developed a non-credit class at USC, titled Love 1A. Leo Buscaglia went on to publish a book, with the name 'Love' and became one of the most successful motivational speakers of his era.
Here is the hack! Dr. Buscaglia changed my own life with a simple self-love affirmation. Quite possibly it may be the best affirmation I have learned in developing my self-belief and confidence, it pushed me to better myself and go all in to do things I would never have thought possible. His voice from my cassette tape still sounds as clear as day in my head. He advised looking at yourself in the mirror each morning and saying out loud three or as many times as you wish (with full conviction):
‘I like myself, I like myself, I like myself’.
Initially, I felt ridiculous but soon enough, I realised the power of this thought. I began to set my mind towards becoming my best self. I exercised, ate right, focused on being kind to others. Work was now about serving others with a strong belief that if I helped enough people realise their dreams, my dreams would be taken care of. My shyness went and my results at work dramatically increased as did my earnings. This affirmation made me believe in myself to dream big, act on my dreams and to persist.
This technique has a twofold effect:
You must remember that if your mind is normally in a negative state, an occasional positive thought is not enough to attract you success. As yourself. what thoughts are strongest in you? Are they thoughts that elevate you or thoughts that throw you into misery? An average person makes about 55,000 self-talk utterances each day and 75% of our daily thoughts work against us. You alone are responsible for yourself. The chatter in your mind only you own! Use this technique to kick start your self-talk so that it propels you to be your best – and, to keep at it no matter how difficult life becomes. Do so and this all-powerful tool will shape your life with victory.
‘The actualisation of success and failure is dependent on your habitual trend of thought.’ – Paramahansa Yogananda
I really hope that you can take something out of this. Use this knowledge to uplift you in life and live your best life. If you are looking to become fearless to conquer your dreams and ambitions, be sure to check-out my blog that breaks down what you must do to go-all in and be successful.
Contact me if you want to talk.
Rise Warrior Rise!
"Growth requires two things: Doubt and Faith. Doubt begets the curiosity to question so you may find wisdom: and accepting the answers you find as truth requires Faith. Here we find peace in knowing we are advancing. Rise Warrior Rise, Rohilesh R. Singh
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