Overcome Self-Doubt With Your Self-Talk & The Link Between Virtues and Self-Respect

 

Written 10th April, 2020. By Rohilesh R. Singh

Overcome Self-Doubt with Your Self-Talk

A recent ExcelerateYou survey of over 500 people highlighted that self-doubt is the number one barrier and concern among professionals in Australia today. Have you ever found yourself lying in bed and having a conversation with yourself that sounds a little like ‘nah, today is not going to be my day.’ ‘I don't want to go into work today, nothing will go right anyways.’ This is called negative self-talk, and you may be surprised to hear that we have over 55,000 of these discussions with ourselves each day, and would you believe that over 75% of that talk is negative?

This is a story about how I found one of the greatest hacks to overcoming self-doubt and worry, and ultimately to win in life. This technique is all about owning your mind chatter, so that you don’t fall into that 75% negativity that so many find themselves engulfed in on a daily basis. I use it to propel me to love life and own every, single day. It will help you to overcome self-doubt and find positivity in even the toughest of situations. If you want to own your mind, you must own your self-talk.

At 18 years old, I got lucky! I came across the greatest secret to success, and that is, I learnt how to program my mind with self-love! Self-love is self-worth, which is a combination of self-esteem and self-compassion. Both are associated with greater happiness and serve us to develop success in life. Self-compassion brings with it stability and long-term sustainable self-worth. To have great self-worth is not easy as the mind is fickle and can easily become anxious, depressed and create self-doubt. This technique I’m going to share with you now is a wonderful way to gain self-mastery and control of your mind. It could be the greatest and easiest of mental toughness hacks available to us, and it’s so easy to implement and use.

I was married at 18, basically straight out of high school and within a year we had our first child. This was a defining moment in my life. I loved this boy to the moon and back and wanted more than anything to provide a good life for our small, young family. I knew people would forgive me if I buckled under such pressure, but I had this intrinsic belief that all will be ok, I just had to get out there into the world and do my best. I took a job at Kmart selling shoes, and it just wasn’t for me. I was making $230 a week, and even back then in the late 80s, the baby formula and nappies I needed to buy were eating up most of my weekly budget. I had barely enough to pay for my weekly rent, let alone food or anything else. So it was by sheer necessity that I took on a commission-only insurance sales job where the founders of the company provided a lot of personal-development training. In one of these sessions, I discovered the teachings of Dr. Buscaglia. Leo Buscaglia is unforgettable, his philosophy on raising self-love has elevated my life for over 30 years! This one technique I learnt from him, I have shared with tens of thousands of people around the world, so they too can have it all: love, courage, success and life morally-sound lives too.

"Life is our greatest possession and love its greatest affirmation".

Leo F. Buscaglia

 The following is an extract from the book Rise Warrior RiseBe ready to make this part of your life here and now, and put it into action, and trust in the fact that this works and can transform your life!

IF YOU THINK YOU CAN, YOU WILL!

It is as simple as this:

If you want to change your life, then change your self-talk. Every thought is a form of self-talk, each thought has the potential to manifest into your reality. Henry Ford said ‘Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.’ Self-talk mastery increases self-confidence and decreases anxiety. Say the following to yourself with conviction: ‘I love me!’ Does it feel comfortable or unnatural to say this? Do you believe it? Use self-talk to re-appraise your emotions, such as labelling an increase in heart rate as ‘I am excited’ rather than ‘I’m nervous’. This leads to perceiving stressful situations as opportunities and challenges which allow you to grow rather than threats, building self-confidence and subsequent performance.

 Transfer your thoughts via your self-talk to success. Tell yourself, ‘I believe in me. I am anything and everything I am willing to be.’ Visualise yourself as you wish to be, create a detailed plan and throw yourself into making your dreams come true with energy in your action. Let your self-talk move you towards happiness, towards serving your path of fulfilment. The simple act of saying with determination ‘I can’, ‘I will’, ‘I must’ over and over again moves you to perform the right actions.

When the thought of ‘I can’t’ arises, it crushes any possibility of building anything useful. Very often this is where most people will stop and take no further action. The idea dies right there. Defeat is the outcome before even a single step has been taken. The tragedy in life is that this defeatist attitude becomes habitual. Laziness takes over and you fail to give anything that pushes you a go. Now you know this, why not inject yourself with a strong sense of belief and say, ‘I can! I will! I must!’ And move forward with action to thrive. 

This simple act of having the right monologue moves you forward, to learn, to build confidence, to keep striving forward and live a fulfilled life. There are plenty of obstacles outside of your control, so at the very least own what is totally in your control - the chatter of your own mind.

WHO IS DR BUSCAGLIA AND WHY DOES SELF-LOVE MATTER?

Dr Buscaglia was a professor at the University of South California, teaching in the Department of Special Education. Dr Buscaglia’s focus on the importance of self-love started on this one particular day when he noticed that one of his students wasn't there and he inquired about her to the other students. What he found out next, rocked his world! He learned that she had taken her own life

My friend Michael, who seemingly had it all: a great job, wife, kids and personal wealth. One day he was made redundant after giving so many years of his life to this outwardly successful career and workplace. Michael couldn't deal with it and took his life. No one really knew what was going through his mind.

Michael’s story is not unfortunately not unique. A friend's mother at the age of 60 did the same, and then another friend's mother. I started to hear of stories everywhere, even the young were not safe! Kids in high school are taking their lives. You hear these stories all the time; today this way of death has become far too common. In fact more people between 15-44 die from suicide than any other cause of death. How can this be possible, when today we are richer than ever before, yet so many people are lonelier, sadder and more depressed and disconnected with the world than ever before? Things need to change. We must, as a society, change things up, so that each and every person feel a sense of belonging to their tribe and feel the warmth of love from within and those closest to make them to make them unshakeable!

LIVING MY MISSION AND THE HACK

My mission for the past 6 years with writing Rise Warrior Rise and creating ExcelerateYou has been to boost personal self-worth and as a result, to decrease the suicide rates within our world.  Building coping skills to flourish in life come down to our inner monologue, what we stand for and self-love. Dr. Buscaglia took a similar route in that he developed a non-credit class at USC, titled Love 1A. Leo Buscaglia went on to publish a book, with the name 'Love' and became one of the most successful motivational speakers of his era. 

Here is the hack! Dr. Buscaglia changed my own life with a simple self-love affirmation. Quite possibly it may be the best affirmation I have learned in developing my self-belief and confidence, it pushed me to better myself and go all in to do things I would never have thought possible. His voice from my cassette tape still sounds as clear as day in my head. He advised looking at yourself in the mirror each morning and saying out loud three or as many times as you wish (with full conviction):

‘I like myself, I like myself, I like myself’.

Initially, I felt ridiculous but soon enough, I realised the power of this thought. I began to set my mind towards becoming my best self. I exercised, ate right, focused on being kind to others. Work was now about serving others with a strong belief that if I helped enough people realise their dreams, my dreams would be taken care of. My shyness went and my results at work dramatically increased as did my earnings. This affirmation made me believe in myself to dream big, act on my dreams and to persist. 

This technique has a twofold effect: 

  • When you like yourself, you shine with happiness and confidence. You keep fitter than ever before, you read more, you practice more, you work at staying on top of your game, you become interested in people more. Your sense of happiness comes from an internal source rather than an external one.
  • Others in your life will feed from your self-love and replicate it back to you with their love and trust.

You must remember that if your mind is normally in a negative state, an occasional positive thought is not enough to attract you success. As yourself. what thoughts are strongest in you? Are they thoughts that elevate you or thoughts that throw you into misery? An average person makes about 55,000 self-talk utterances each day and 75% of our daily thoughts work against us. You alone are responsible for yourself. The chatter in your mind only you own! Use this technique to kick start your self-talk so that it propels you to be your best – and, to keep at it no matter how difficult life becomes. Do so and this all-powerful tool will shape your life with victory.

‘The actualisation of success and failure is dependent on your habitual trend of thought.’ – Paramahansa Yogananda

I really hope that you can take something out of this. Use this knowledge to uplift you in life and live your best life. If you are looking to become fearless to conquer your dreams and ambitions, be sure to check-out my blog that breaks down what you must do to go-all in and be successful. 

For mastery in self-leadership and self-worth consider doing the Flourish course right away or simply get a copy of Rise Warrior Rise.

Contact me if you want to talk.

Rise Warrior Rise!

Roh Singh
Founder and CEO - Populis Pty Ltd
Creator - ExcelerateYou.com
Author - Rise Warrior Rise

"Growth requires two things: Doubt and Faith. Doubt begets the curiosity to question so you may find wisdom: and accepting the answers you find as truth requires Faith. Here we find peace in knowing we are advancing. Rise Warrior Rise, Rohilesh R. Singh

 

The Link Between Virtues and Self-Respect

 
All things excellent are as difficult as they are rare - Spinoza 

Did you know that there is a direct link between virtues and self-respect. Living according to moral virtues leads to self-respect and self-respect leads us to making morally correct decisions, and to living a morally virtuous life. You see they are reciprocal to each other, in that you can not have one without the other. If you want to have self-respect, then become virtuous. Those who value self-respect live virtuous lives. Click here to take a Virtuous test and find out how Virtuous you are. 

In today’s world, a lot is changing, with lots of moral grey areas confusing even those who want to live a virtuous life. Many people are starved for clarity and direction as the world expands and embraces globalisation; traditional communities disappear, and with them guidance that came from extended families and elders. Many parents desperately want to teach their children to do the right thing, but due to time pressures and financial demands find themselves demonstrating wrong behaviours. For example, when one doesn’t make time for their loved ones who may need a hand. Their behaviour will demonstrate to their children that it is okay to do the same.

 ‘All things excellent are as difficult as they are rare,’ said Spinoza, the 17th century Dutch philosopher, famous for his comprehensive works on ethics. Spinoza puts forth the following: ‘We do not find joy in virtue because we control our lusts, but contrariwise, because we find joy in virtue we control our lusts’. 

Living according to moral virtues leads to self-respect, and self-respect promotes making virtuous decisions. Living virtuously also leads to being happy with one’s life, but some virtues contribute to one’s happiness much more than others. In order to have self-respect, you must have good command of all the moral virtues. Virtue is about strength of will. Reason must constrain desires. Those virtues which are most beneficial to others are considered the greatest. There is a reciprocal link between virtues and self-respect, in that you don’t have one without the other. Self-respect comes from being a virtuous, moral person. And having self-respect makes one act in a virtuous manner. They feed into each other.  Learn more with the Rise Warrior Rise audiobook.

For counsel on moral dilemmas, I seek the guidance given to Arjuna the Warrior as related in the Bhagavad Gita. And here I share with you the same virtues prescribed more than 5000 years ago to Arjuna on the battlefields of Kurukshetra, designed to escalate you in life, through clarity of mind and strength in character. These virtues are offered to you to lift your spirit and described as the qualities of a person of divine nature, who is born for heavenly life.
 
Self-respect, gives us freedom, freedom to be fearless in living an authentic lives where we know what we stand for and are not confused. People with self-respect are mentally tougher & live happier lives and we know that happier people are more successful and live longer lives.
 
Virtues give us the characteristics we need to live ethical lives, they make it very easy to stand for a good life where doing the right thing becomes so much easier. For without sound moral virtues it is impossible to live ethically. And when one does not live ethically, they end up falling for things like cheating, looking the other way when others are doing the wrong thing, taking bribes and so on.
 
So here it is, I believe that our corporations, government and society in general should focus on building the characteristics within us all to live virtuously. I believe it is just as important, if not more so, to invest in developing virtuous characteristics as it in the investment of drawing up ethical charters (rules and laws) to follow. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
 
BTW. If you are not clear refer to the 26 virtues from Rise Warrior Rise to rise and thrive - 26 virtues that give you a clear direction on how to live your life. Discover how to manage the 6 bad so that your character and life doesn't spiral out of control.
 
Click here to TAKE the confidential TEST to see how virtuous you are?
 

26 Virtues to Rise and Thrive

These 26 virtues from Rise Warrior Rise develop characteristics within us to lead ethical lives in clarity and strength.

  1. Freedom from Fear (Fearlessness)
  2. Purity of heart
  3. Cultivation of knowledge and reflection
  4. Generosity (charity)
  5. Self-harmony (includes self-control)
  6. Adoration – performance of sacrifice
  7. Study of your greater consciousness
  8. Austerity
  9. Righteousness
  10. Non-violence
  11. Truth
  12. Freedom from anger
  13. Renunciation
  14. Serenity
  15. Aversion from fault finding
  16. Compassion
  17. Freedom from greedy cravings
  18. Gentleness
  19. Modesty
  20. Unwavering steady determination
  21. Vigour (Energy)
  22. Forgiveness
  23. Fortitude
  24. Purity (cleanliness)
  25. A good will (freedom from envy), and
  26. Freedom from the passion of honour (freedom from pride)

 Concern yourself with developing a clear set of virtues to live by and the Rest will take care of itself.

Find out more about VIRTUOUS the COURSE.

Roh SIngh

Founder, ExcelerateYou

Roh Singh is the Author of Rise Warrior Rise and Founder of ExcelerateYou. Roh serves as board advisor and is a highly sought after lecturer and speaker. Roh is an expert speaker on wellbeing, leadership and high-performance. His Leadership Framework™ serves Universities and Corporations to build sustainable businesses. Roh's book Rise Warrior Rise has served thousands of students in Leadership and Business Degrees as compulsory text to master their Self and to lead high performing careers.

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