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Mastering Self-Talk to Overcome Self-Doubt and Build Unshakeable Self-Worth

 

Written 10th April, 2020. By Rohilesh R. Singh, GAICD -Order of Merit,  Leadership Coach

Self-Doubt is the Number 1 Concern Among Australians and the Biggest Barrier to Good Mental Health

The quality of your life at home, your performance at work and your mental state is highly dependent on the quality of your mental chatter, i.e. your regular thoughts.  Let me state this right up-front, an occasional positive self-talk (thought) is not enough to change a negative self-defeating mindset! 

A comprehensive 2020 ExcelerateYou and Populis Pty Ltd survey of over 500 leaders, leadership students and professionals who attended a Roh Singh 'confidence and motivation' seminar highlighted that 'self-doubt' is the number 1 concern and barrier barrier to success.

If you ever found yourself lying in bed and having a conversation with yourself that sounds a little like ‘I'm not sure if I can do this job' or 'I don't want to go into work today'; or I can't cope with and manage all that is going on in my life', then unfortunately you are very likely to be suffering from self-doubt.

Did you know that around 75% of an average persons mental chatter is negative and self-defeating. And an average person talks to themselves 55,000 to 75,000 times per day? 

Anyone who wants to live a life free of self-doubt and anxiety and consciously goes about to reprogram the their minds to live happier more confident lives will also according to Harvard Happiness Dividend increase their level of productivity and success by 31%

Self-Talk - A Life Transforming Practice

Here is my story of my how I first got exposed to how to master my mental chatter to overcome self-doubt and win. At 18 years old, I got really lucky! I came across a great secret to mind mastery, I learnt how to program my mind to maximise my self-worth and confidence, both of which have had a direct impact on me giving things a go that most are scared to do so.

My first go an entrepreneurship was in financial services selling investments to people twice and three times my age and experience. I discovered quickly that people bought my confidence and enthusiasm as much as the quality of the product. If I walked into a room with doubt, the potential investor would feel my doubt and say no. To prepare me right, my mentor put me onto the teachings of Dr. Buscaglia because he knew that the mind is fickle and can easily send you down a path of doubt, anxiety and self- sabotage. Leo Buscaglia's techniques on raising self-worth and confidence I have used to elevate my life for over 30 years now and I have shared it with tens of thousands of people to raise their performance, wellbeing and courage to live purposeful lives.

The technique is as simple as looking at yourself in the mirror and repeating "I like me" for as long as it takes for it to become a permanent part of your perspective on who you are. The second part of the technique is much easier to do but many struggle with it and that is to write down 10 things that you like about you. When you incorporate the later as part of your self-talk chant, this process becomes extremely powerful. Try it. It should sound something like. " I like me! I like me because I am am tenacious and finish everything I start. I am smart. I have an abundance of energy. Adversity does not phase me but makes me stronger. I am blessed and I love me." and so forth. After many months of practice your mindset changes forever, you become mentally tough and positive. And, life becomes joy. As ridiculous as I found this process to start with, i had nothing to lose so I kicked my ego to the curb and gave it a go and have never looked back but to laugh at how funny the process was. 

"Life is our greatest possession and love its greatest affirmation".

Leo F. Buscaglia

Let me now lean on an extract on mind-mastery from Rise Warrior Rise, my book that has become text in many business degrees and helping leaders to bring harmony into their lives.

YOUR THOUGHTS CAN TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE

IF YOU THINK YOU CAN, YOU WILL!

It is as simple as this:

If you want to change your life, then change your self-talk.

Every thought is a form of self-talk, each thought has the potential to manifest into your reality. Henry Ford said ‘Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.’ Self-talk mastery increases self-confidence and decreases anxiety.

Say the following to yourself with conviction: ‘I love me!’ Does it feel comfortable or unnatural to say this? Do you believe it? Use self-talk to re-appraise your emotions, such as labelling an increase in heart rate as ‘I am excited’ rather than ‘I’m nervous’. This leads to perceiving stressful situations as opportunities and challenges which allow you to grow rather than threats, building self-confidence and subsequent performance.

 Transfer your thoughts via your self-talk to success. Tell yourself, ‘I believe in me. I am anything and everything I am willing to be.’ Visualise yourself as you wish to be, create a detailed plan and throw yourself into making your dreams come true with energy in your action. Let your self-talk move you towards happiness, towards serving your path of fulfilment. The simple act of saying with determination ‘I can’, ‘I will’, ‘I must’ over and over again moves you to perform the right actions.

When the thought of ‘I can’t’ arises, it crushes any possibility of building anything useful. Very often this is where most people will stop and take no further action. The idea dies right there. Defeat is the outcome before even a single step has been taken. The tragedy in life is that this defeatist attitude becomes habitual. Laziness takes over and you fail to give anything that pushes you a go. Now you know this, why not inject yourself with a strong sense of belief and say, ‘I can! I will! I must!’ And move forward with action to thrive. 

This simple act of having the right monologue moves you forward, to learn, to build confidence, to keep striving forward and live a fulfilled life. There are plenty of obstacles outside of your control, so at the very least own what is totally in your control - the chatter of your own mind.

DEVELOP A POSITIVE AND POWERFUL MINDSET

"The actualisation of success and failure is dependent on your habitual trend of thought."– Paramahansa Yogananda. If your mind is normally in a negative state, an occasional positive thought is not enough to attract you success. - Rise Warrior Rise

Ask yourself. what thoughts are strongest in you? Are they thoughts that elevate you or thoughts that throw you into misery? What kind of mental chatter dominates your thoughts?

Use this technique to shape your mind to serve you.

My mission in authoring Rise Warrior Rise is to empower you with the soft-skills to live and lead as your best. The ultimate realisation that most CEO's come up with after going through the process is that that their main job is to attract and build self-led people to execute on strategies with focus and vigour.

Here is the hack again. Start today or call on it anytime you are ready. Simply look at yourself in the mirror each morning and say out loud three or as many times as you wish (with full conviction):

‘I like myself, I like myself, I like myself’. And tell yourself why!

I have used this technique not only to help people love themselves and go for their goals without fear, but also as a key technique to quit alcohol and drug addictions, improve their relations and health.

This technique has a twofold effect: 

  1. When you like yourself, you shine with happiness and confidence, which is addictive and highly attractive to others, which makes life so much easier for others to love and commit to you.
  2. Others in your life will feed from your self-love and replicate it - making them a joy to be around.

Form more self-mastery techniques get your own copy of Rise Warrior Rise or gift one to those you love. 

 

Roh Singh is the Author of Rise Warrior Rise and Love: The Wellbeing Journal. Roh serves as coach and board advisor and coach to business leaders and executives. Roh is CEO of Populis, a boutique consultancy serving organisations to build high growth strategies and his Leadership Framework™️ is being used by companies to assure excellence executing their strategies.

 

 
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